Breathing into my Spine: A Practice in Self Care

I am melting, softly, into a more gentle manifestation of my own being. Reflected by the beauty and curated order of the space, of how I am being fed by the coolness of iced tea and the images of the book I am flipping through and the decor in the courtyard, I feel the shift inside. 

I feel the slowing. The final letting go of ideas of how today is going to be, and opening fully to the sacred flow, the day's own energy and how it will carry me and rock me and soothe me, just like the garden swing I am lounging in. I am in my bliss, that small shining light of my healing over the past few weeks shifts again: that quiet but radiant light becomes bolder. It meets this beautiful space as a kindred spirit and I allow myself to fully be here: willing myself to know that I am worth this. 

 I know that magic is about to be made.

The Cactus Courtyard in the Spell and the Gypsy Collective in Byron Bay
Photo sourced on Pinterest, because tragically my camera's batteries ran out just as I walked in the door!

Now that I have night weaned my littlest one, I am able to take a night or two away. To refresh and reset and allow my energy to return to my centre and bring this freshness back to my mothering. I have taken a few nights away now, little mini-Gypsy travels (as well as one trip of a few nights). These are very simple getaways: I sleep in the back of my van and eat cheaply. This particular night away incorporated seeing Rising Appalacia play in Byron- true song medicine.

The next morning finds me at the Spell and the Gypsy Collective boutique, a truly gorgeous store selling boho-luxe clothing. On the weekends during summer, they have special events on Saturdays out in their famous Cactus Courtyard: and it is here I find myself today. The offer for today is a free intention setting and oracle reading for the new year.

More Cactus Courtyard gorgeousness
Image: Spell Designs

I believe all women carry gifts to share with the world; some carry them more outwardly and their medicine is immediately apparent as soon as you meet them. Suebee Fae is one such woman to me: as soon as I saw her, she radiated an angelic light and was so warm and welcoming I felt at ease straight away. This soon translated into wisdom and an attunement into what is going on in my world that I was astounded.

(On a sidenote, I have since found out that Suebee is launching a new project, HEARTISTREE, and will be presenting an outdoor Summer concert featuring the very magic DEYA DOVA in Byron Bay on Sunday 21st January-- now that is one massive way to launch her business!)

We started with my name as a base for a numerology reading. This is particularly interesting, as I recently felt called to change my name to my writing pseudonym throughout the rest of my life. This changes what my numerology reading would be, and I feel it does reflect the way I have dissolved and evolved over the past year.

The numbers told me a story of work with humanity, and the very portals- birth and death- that make us human. They spoke of my current, reawakened need to share my story and promote intellegent, soulful dialogue through my writing, and how to do this I require a sensitivity and bravery. It told that this is absolutely my time to step into my mission. It was all very affirming!

We also did an Oracle card reading that further spoke of the process of shaking off all that does not serve me, and the role of nature within that, for me.

Image:  Chris Ensey on Unsplash

I feel like the session has given me some needed insight into many parts of my life, liking an ability to suddenly see the big picture rather than the components of the picture themselves. It has especially helped integrate my recent experience of moving from being a Birthkeeper to a Deathkeeper (see post coming soon). This in itself was an important thing for me to explore.

Image: Theodore Moore on Unsplash

Suebee's parting gift to me was a self care practice, from one mama to another. Knowing on a visceral level how difficult it is to commit to any practice with children around, the need for something simple, short, and ever fresh; but still profound and effective.

Image:  Fabian Moller on Unsplash

The practice is this: 

each morning, before I get out of bed, to sit up.

 Place one hand on my heart, and one on my womb, the two centres of Divine Femininity in my body. 

Take deep breaths and bring aliveness to the cells in these centres and my whole body. 

Reach up, and then call in Source Energy. Let it move on down through my body.

In this stillness and vibration of self love, I can become acutely aware of the answer to this enquiry:

What does my body need today?

Image: Edu Grande on  Unsplash

***

And this morning, with an open heart to serve my own wholeness, I give the ritual embodiment. 

The morning is already steamy and hot early in the morning. I sit on my bed with the fan on- oh that beautiful relief from the heat! and tune in. My hands sit on my heart and I breathe. Simply breathe. What a radical act that is! I bring myself into the practice completely, and soon find my hands greeting my body- firm but loving massage of my arms and legs, like my hands are tasked with awakening the muscles and tissue of my body. My neck, my face, my scalp. 

I am aware of tension in my neck and upper back- where the cloak of motherhood falls most heavily, I guess!

And in this void I have created, the deep need to stretch out my spine becomes clear. My chin drops to my chest and I roll my shoulders as far as they will go. My chest arches in. I am in a spontaneous asana, an honouring of my body at exactly this moment in time, and all that I hold, on all levels.

I feel that something is held that needs to move, in all those spaces in and around each vertabrae. The jigsaw that gives my body structure, it it clouded with some kind of sediment of energy. When I sit in this asana (the name Spine Sails comes to me), I feel there is space for this energy to release and radiate out in streams of light. It is not a heavy or negative energy that emerges: it is a golden, ethereal one, which surprises me a little.

But I sit with it, and return to it at points throughout the day. 

What do I hold in these inter-veterbral spaces? I am still not sure. Stability, structure, the centre. Perhaps the message is that, whatever the golden source of life is, whether it be purely the scientific miracle of life expressed, or something more spiritual; this is at my core. And this is what I can recentre on. This is the space I can mother from and feel that same freshness and clarity that I do when I return from a night away.

I love this practice, because it is eclectic and responds to me in the moment. I have difficulty in committing to regular practices for a number of reasons; the cognitive elements of my illness, my children's needs, and perhaps just a laziness. But this process is dynamic and embodied, and can be as short as it needs to be, and I am sure it will bring me something new and fresh and alive every day! In that way, it is perfect for me right now, and I am sure my children might take on a little bit of it too- or at least, I hope, the sense of attentiveness to one's body and spirit and what it needs in the moment. Body-speak is wisdom!

Image: Jairo Alzate on Unsplash

Do you feel called to play and experiment with this self care practice? I would love for you to share your experience in the comments!

Links:

Spell Designs:

Instagram Feed: https://www.instagram.com/spell_byronbay/

Website: https://shop.spelldesigns.com.au/


Suebee Fae:

Instagram Feed: https://www.instagram.com/suebee_fae/

Deya Dova Event: https://www.facebook.com/events/385095228602753/

Posts on my Gypsy Mama travels and being a Birthkeeper and Deathwalker (probably) coming soon!