Mama Rising

I am wide awake on a deeply embodied level. The expansiveness and potentiality of a brand new cycle of life is written along my skin. Inside, my children sleep, worn out and brimful after a night of running through the dark, making new friends and strengthening old friendships. How do I describe who I am at this moment? A mother, a woman in love with my home. Living a blessed life. Starting to warily stalk around the edges of my middle age years, but not yet fully reconciled with this. A wife, a daughter. A dreamer who has strangled her own breath for two decades. My own saviour. A student of the Mysteries. Ego. Obese. Stretched. Open. Ravenously hungry for the next steps on my path of creativity, directed outwards once more after years of pouring it into my mothering. Walking with fragility. Immersed in this landscape. The night until now has been raucous; the convergence of voice and guitar and resourcefully created percussion from spoons and hands and bo...

This post is brought to you by school holiday induced, post-vomiting bug reflections... Why do the children's arguments and dynamics feel like so much hard work for me? Most often, the conflicts they have- for example, this morning, whether cows get nits or not- I don't have a particular investment in. And, short of the effects on their connection with each other, I don't have an investment in the outcome of the conflict. It either doesn't matter to me, or the level of passionate intensity they feel for the issue is much higher than I have. (Do cows get nits? Hit me up in the comments if you know, because it would be nice to solve one problem today). So it's not- generally- the content that is a trigger for me. At least not today, for the internal dynamic I am feeling. And dynamic it is, because it is a mirror of the tension that is birthed in me in the conflict with each other. It's an empathetic but unprocessed manifestation of their 'stuf...

In this moment, I can only see the things undone, The things not completed, or even started Those abandoned a bare scrap past intention, Because the argument, or the sick child, or the bottom that needs wiping or the phone call that I can't miss again or Mostly, the dragging fatigue Calls me away Photo by  Ricky Kharawala  on  Unsplash The things undone, they undo me The lawn needing mowing The weedy vines that are creeping with dexterity and speed across a growing circumference of the yard The dirty rug that needs washing The potato crisp crumbs mashed into the carpet that needs vacuuming The child who had a fever last night, who is running around naked and snotty, The dirty cut on a toe that needs cleaning The sheets that need changing and oh God, the washing, the dishes, the lunch boxes the child now crying because I lost my temper, and for a moment, my temper Made me lose connection with my heart. Photo by  Shrey ...

Today’s musings were inspired by the lovely Kate Alexandra - a yoga and mindfulness practitioner and creator of the Radical Self Care Project. Kate’s work revolves around building a reflective, authentic self care process which is as individual as we are. In a pocket of sunny late afternoon time whilst the kids played on the trampoline with water and dishwashing liquid (and only the bare minimum of tears!) I listened to Episode 17 of her podcast entitled “The Big Exhale: Finish the year connected and clear”. The wisdom that resonated most boldly in me, from this episode, was how mindsets can effect our experience of life: the narrative we feed ourselves that will ultimately inform our perspectives, interpretations and the way we meet ourselves in life. There are two broad types of mindset- the growth mindset, and the fixed mindset. The growth mindset is a container in which we can exercise flexibility in our perspectives, where we can soul stretch and be curious abou...